Lightsabers and chips

Hello world. I am, once again, back. I'm not going to pretend that this isn't something I've said over and over, but I do feel this time might be different. I've felt so much that I've been drowning for a long time. Friends and family have buoyed me up, but left to my own devices I just sink under. A week ago I was finishing a four day retreat from which I came home feeling that all my tumbling thoughts had been stacked neatly onto shelves. They've all fallen off again, which was kind of devastating. however, switching back to my first analogy, I'm not drowning all the time I'm on my own. I've been able to kick to the surface on my own and take a breath before I sink again. Of course seeing and making friends is a big part of that and my Blood Brother keeps me going as best he can, but I'm just gently learning how to stop thrashing around and just be in the water (much like today on the boating lake with Monty, where I had an epiphany that if I held the oars still in the water it would settle the boat).

It really is a case of baby steps. It has to be - I know I'm really one for trying to run before I can walk. So, I will just record that:

- on retreat I wrote a poem. First writing in months.
- Shortly after coming home I started drafting a story for my nephew which may entail my learning to draw cats,
- My alter ego ravenrosebud is starting a tumblr account which will simply post good things, nice things, spiritual things, things that connect me to God.

For the moment, that's it. I can't focus on getting better and getting back into being a rabid fangirl and writing and crafting all at the same time. Putting tiny little things in place which can take the edge off in a crisis is probably the most helpful thing for me at the moment, so that will be the focus for a while. Hopefully a return to life may yet grow from these green shoots.

Love you all
Gaya xxx